Author’s Note

Warning: this is not one of those meditation books full of esoteric Buddhist concepts that can’t be translated. This book won’t contain the usual assortment of Sanskrit terms or Yogic poses that can only be done by Cirque du Soleil performers. I’m not going to ask you to sit in uncomfortable positions or do funny things with your hands. In fact, if you don’t want to sit for the practices that follow, you don’t have to! When it comes to meditation, I find truth in that old adage, “Different strokes for different folks.”

Now let’s be clear here at the beginning, I am not a holy man, nor do I claim to be, at least, no holier than anyone else. I guess if you really wanted to discuss holiness with me, I’d say we’re all equally holy, flaws and all. And when you drop all that holiness crap or trying to “be spiritual,” what I’ve found is that that’s when meditation really takes off.

So if you’re looking for a meditation holy book, this is not it. There will be no pictures of or dedications to saints or holy men in the pages that follow. In fact, we may get downright irreverent in here, and at times, find that place where the sacred and the profane begin to become one. Some of the meditation practices that follow might involve copious amounts of wine. They’re totally optional of course, but I just want you to know what you’re in for. This isn’t your normal book on meditation.

I am not a guru.

I am not a Buddhist monk, a Hindu bhakta, Taoist sage, Sufi saint, or someone who puts any kind of honorifics before or after his name. I don’t dress in orange, white, or flowing robes of any colors. I don’t wear masses of prayer beads or burn incense everywhere I go, and I don’t play New Age music mixed with waterfall sounds throughout my home.

Not that there’s anything wrong with any of that!

Many of my beloved teachers have been exactly those things (except for the New Age music part). I’ve studied at the feet of many teachers, masters, shamans, and guides. I honor their timeless teachings, wisdom, and instruction. I just want you to know that I’m not here to recreate their traditions or ways of doing things. This is something different.

I’ve had formal instruction and countless hours of training in various meditative traditions. I’ve spent way too many days fasting in the wilderness during various Vision Quests. I’ve chanted certain mantras tens of thousands of times, some non-stop from the moment I woke up till the moment I went to bed, only to find myself still chanting them throughout the night while I slept. I’ve meditated in ways that made little or no difference to my life at the end of the day, and I’ve meditated in ways that immediately changed my world.

So while I honor the traditions that came before, I don’t want to recreate them here. Those teachers have written beautiful books, and I’m not here to teach those approaches to meditation. I’m not going to introduce a bunch of strange words and concepts that you’ll have to look up and find definitions that only confuse you more. I’m not going to ask you to do stuff that’s boring, stuff that you don’t understand why, or anything that doesn’t automatically feel good. And please, please, don’t ever do anything “because I said so.” Similarly, never believe anything I say just because I said it. Instead, I’m just here to invite you to try some simple things that have changed my life, and you can make up your own mind about whether or not they’re useful to you based on your own experiments with them.

In the pages that follow, I’ll be sharing some of the unorthodox things I’ve discovered on my path. I want to share an approach to this thing called “meditation” that won’t seem like any kind of meditation you’ve ever done before. I want to share the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned and the disastrous traps I’ve fallen into over the last few decades in my search for happiness and meaning so that you don’t have to waste a bunch of time or money seeking that which you can literally begin to experience today. I’m going to share some of the simple practices, shifts, and techniques you can start using this very hour, if you want, that will give you immediate results and the same kinds of experiences people have in 10-day meditation retreats.

I’m going to break things down in a way that changes everything you’ve ever thought about meditation.

At the end of the day, I am just a normal guy trying to make the world a better place for me and my kids. And for you. And for all the future generations that come. I’ve picked up a few things on my path that I believe will save you years of frustrating attempts at meditation and perhaps thousands of dollars in needless courses, retreats, or excursions around the world looking for “the secret” from the latest guru.

It is my sincerest hope that as you learn the simple, counter-intuitive approaches to meditation and life in the pages that follow, that what you find will change your world.

After all, if it doesn’t change your life, it’s not really meditation.

Some people will take offense at that last statement. That’s okay. This book isn’t for them.

For those that would rather be fully alive than “look spiritual,” this is for you. For those that want mad love, deep conversations, and way more fun in life than your parents would have approved of… your adventure into wild meditation is about to begin.

Buckle up.

Chapter 1

I was really hesitant to start this book by quoting some guru, yogi, or sage. You’re not here to hear me paraphrase someone else, but sometimes you find something that is just so perfect, it’s hard to resist. That’s what’s about to happen. There’s a statement a certain yogi made at some point that’s too good to pass up. And it will answer a really important question for us, namely, why in the world would anyone ever want to meditate?

I guess we’re already on the second paragraph here, so even if I introduced the quote now, I guess I’m technically not starting this book by quoting a yogi. It’s coming, don’t get me wrong, but we’ll save it for a little further down because it’s important that you realize what I’m doing here instead.

I’m being me.

And I’m having fun.

Even though I’m writing a book about meditation.

Crazy, right?!

Because I don’t want to write a BORING ass book.

And meditation shouldn’t be a BORING ass subject.

You should know that some part of me REALLY wants to be profound and deep and quote the great sages and impress you with how spiritual I sound, but seriously, fuck that guy. THAT GUY IS NOT ME. That guy has taken over at times, sure. In fact, I have various “identities” that sometimes get in the way of me having outrageous fun and being the person I want to be in life. We all do. But I don’t want any of them writing this book! So right now, I’m having fun as I really anchor in the tone of the Real Me here at the beginning. I’m probably pissing off and embarrassing my “spiritual identity,” but that guy can go burn some sage and CTFO so we can actually have an authentic experience here.

Ok, I’m officially declaring the tone as “set,” so I think it’s safe to introduce the quote I was talking about earlier.

“If it doesn’t change your life, it’s not yoga.”

I can’t seem to find out who originally said it, maybe Iyengar, and it probably seems a bit anti-climactic, but that’s only because we haven’t changed it yet and made it better. Let’s do that now…

“If it doesn’t change your life, it’s not meditation.”

Much better, right?!

Whatever your response to that quote happens to be, that’s not the point. Instead, I want us to consider this quote to be our ideal. It’s the lamppost that we want to light our way into a totally new experience of meditation.

Meditation should change your life. Quickly. Today. It should make you happier, healthier, wealthier, and if you want, wise. And if it doesn’t, you’re doing it wrong.

“Blasphemy!”

I can actually hear some people crying that out as they angrily toss this book aside.

“Meditation should be about love and peace and compassion,” they say.

“Perhaps…” I reply. “But if that’s your focus at the beginning, it’s going to take you decades of practice to get there. I’m speaking from experience here. That is the SLOOOOOW way.”

There’s a much better way.

A lot of people, especially “spiritual” people THINK they want more love, peace, and compassion, but is that what they REALLY want? Let’s do a little thought experiment. There are two doors before you. You open door #1 and you get a cool million dollars. You open door #2 and you get some more love, peace, and compassion in your life. Which do you choose?

99% of people will choose door #1. And the remaining 1% of people are so used to lying to themselves that even now they’re pretending like they’ll choose the other door.

Bullshit. Unless you have absolutely no need for an extra million to play with because you’ve got billions in the bank, you’re choosing door #1. You’re going to choose the MONEY over the love and peace, right?!

But if you’re starting your meditation practice by lying to yourself and telling yourself that what you most desperately want right now in life is to be more compassionate and loving, it’s going to take you a long time to get anywhere. This is why meditation doesn’t work for most people. They’re being dishonest from the very beginning.

If, on the other hand, you can admit what you REALLY want right now, what you’d LOVE to have if anything were possible, now we’re talking. If you’ve got the balls to say, “I want WAY more sex in my life, and better sex, and I want more money, and more joy, and more aliveness, and I want to just feel AWESOME everywhere I go,” then you’re ready for what meditation is really all about.

But we’ve got to be honest. We’ve got to start where we’re at.

As someone who has taught meditation for over fifteen years now, one of the things I’ve observed in my students and people in general is that everyone wants the benefits of meditation, but few people actually want to meditate. A lot of people WILL meditate because they think they should or they’ve committed to a practice, but deep down, very few people actually WANT to sit in weird positions watching their breath.

We’ve all heard about the benefits of meditation. We know there are countless scientific studies out now telling us how meditation can relieve stress and anxiety, balance our nervous system, increase the levels of various neurotransmitters that literally make us feel good, and the list goes on and on. Ask anyone and I’m sure they’d LOVE to have more peace, better sex, and big increases in presence, abundance, and joy in their lives, right? But most of those same people do NOT want to meditate.

So here we have this weird situation where people don’t want to meditate, even though more peace, better sex, and big increases in presence, abundance, and joy are known to be just a few of the automatic side-effects of meditating.

The reason for this discrepancy is that people have tried meditation in the past, and it didn’t work. They were promised all these benefits, but after days, weeks, or even months of a frustrating practice, they didn’t see those benefits, or didn’t see them in such an amount that it justified the time spent sitting in weird, uncomfortable positions.

I met a guy once who pulled me aside when he found out I was a meditation teacher. He told me that he’d been meditating every day now for over six months and he was wondering if he should be noticing anything yet. He couldn’t tell if it was working or not.

I was shocked. I mean, I applauded his commitment, but I was in a state of absolute disbelief. In what other area of life will people make huge commitments of time, energy, and attention, and stick with it after seeing little, if any results?! Imagine exercising every day for 6 months and not being able to tell if it was doing anything!

I remember my first CrossFit workout. I was soaked in sweat, I was in pain, I wanted to cry, and I was trying really hard not to throw up. I absolutely loved it. One session and I was hooked because I could tell it was working! I knew that if I kept this up, I’d have a wildly different body and fitness level in a few months. And I did!

Isn’t it time we expected the same from our meditation practice?

“But you shouldn’t have any expectations in meditation,” people will say.

“Oh really,” I’ll reply. “You don’t expect meditation to bring you more peace? You don’t expect it to calm you or make you feel better? You don’t expect it to enhance your life? You don’t expect it to maintain your sense of ‘being spiritual?’”

There are all kinds of semantic traps in meditation we want to be aware of. That was one. It’s actually okay to have expectations from your meditation practice. Sure, we don’t want to make our happiness dependent on whether or not some euphoric firework show happens every time we close our eyes because that just gets in the way of the euphoric fireworks actually happening. We’ll get into all that later, but for now, just know that there are all these word games in meditation that people love to throw around in order to appear wise.

When you look closely at these word games, they always fall apart and you realize you were just talking with a totally ineffective-at-life spiritual bozo trying to seem wise. Again, I’ve been on BOTH sides here...

Another word game that gets thrown around is desire.

“Don’t have any desires,” they say. “You shouldn’t desire anything. Especially in meditation. You should be desireless.”

“Oh really,” I reply. “I should have no desires?”

“Yep. That’s right.”

“But I do have desires.”

“You have to get rid of those,” they eagerly reply. “You’ll never get anywhere in meditation or spirituality if you have desires.”

“Ok, desires are bad. Got it. Are they really bad though? I mean, should I do whatever it takes to get rid of my desires.”

“Oh, yes. Desires will cause you endless suffering.”

“Ok, so it’s that important? I should really desire to be desireless - is that what you’re saying? I should have a burning desire for desirelessness no matter what, right?

“Um… what? Wait. Er, no, that’s not what I mean.”

“Well, what do you mean then? Should I desire to have no desires or not?”

“Desire is the root of all suffering.”

“Interesting. Did you read that in a meditation book? Do you feel totally alive now that you’ve removed all desire from your life? Do you no longer suffer? It looks like this conversation is causing you suffering. Are you okay? Do you desire to end this inquiry? Maybe you should go meditate…”

Repeat after me: it’s okay to have desires.

And if you still don’t believe me, hold your breath for 60 seconds and tell me if you’re desiring to take a breath.

Don’t get lost in meditative word games with people who live boring-ass lives. There’s something called “attachment to desires” that yes, we want to avoid. We’ll get into that later, but for now, let’s be real. Meditation should change your life. If it doesn’t, you’re doing something else. It may look like some image you have in your mind about meditation, but let’s be clear, it’s NOT meditation. And if you don’t desire to make any changes in your life,

1. I call bullshit, and

2. Then why are you wanting to meditate?

Sounds like maybe you’re wanting to make a change in your life, right? Sounds like you’ve got some DESIRE for change. If so, welcome to being a real human, and... you’re in the right place.

If my meditation practice didn’t lead to me having way more fun, feeling amazing, being crazy about my wife, being more creative, recovering faster, and just flat out loving life, I wouldn’t do it. And you shouldn’t either. Unless you just want to for some weird reason. Which again, is fine by me. Whatever floats your boat.

Either way, can you begin to get a sense of how people have turned meditation into something it wasn’t designed to be? They’ve added in all this spiritual woo woo crap and dishonesty about wanting to “just be love and light” when that’s not at all what they’re really after.

How many meditators do you meet where you’re just blown away by how alive they feel and how much they love life? If you’re like me, the answer is “not nearly enough.” When you meet someone who is an absolute joy to be around and who’s out there following their heart, living their purpose, and manifesting their wildest dreams, do you think, “Wow, I wonder how much this person meditates?” Probably not!

And that’s the problem. Our vision of a life on meditation is out of alignment with what we really want our lives to be like.

So let’s really get clear on this: should meditation better your life or make it worse?

Should meditation make you feel more alive or less?

Should meditation increase your happiness or decrease it?

Should meditation free you to have more fun in life or make your life less fun?

Let’s really get clear: should meditation lead to better sex or worse sex?!

Should meditation lead you to MORE sex or less sex?

Should a good meditation practice bring you MORE money and the things you’d love to have, or LESS money and less of the things you’d love to have?

When you really ask these questions, you can feel the true intention behind meditation. We want to strip away all the spiritual ideas that have clouded meditation and find out what it’s really all about. What is the essence of meditation? What is it really supposed to do? What is it all about?

Why in the WORLD should we meditate?

Chapter 2

When you discover what meditation is really all about, it changes everything. I heard Osho talking on the subject years ago, and I’ll never forget one of the things he said. He said that the root of the word meditation (med-) is the same proto-Indo-European root as the words medicine and medication. And that the root med- means to take appropriate measures. So meditation, medicine, and medication all have the same root.

This is a huge clue for us! In health and medicine, when we have a certain condition, we take an appropriate measure of the counter or the cure to that condition. Got an infection? Take the appropriate measure of penicillin. Allergic to penicillin? Take the appropriate measure of the antiobiotic that works for you. Against antibiotics? Take the appropriate measure of whatever alternative medicine that your direct experience has shown you to be effective for whatever you’re dealing with.

Makes sense, right?

If we’re suffering from a condition, we want to take the appropriate measures that will end that suffering and restore us to perfect health. And because everyone has a unique system, what works for you may not work for someone else.

This is what meditation is all about! It’s the appropriate measure you take to treat a condition that is causing you to suffer in life.

How do you know if you’re suffering? You’re not loving life! If you’re not living all out, whatever that means to you, well, why not?

Seriously, why not?!

Consider this: if you could feel any way you wanted to feel right now, how would you choose to feel? Would you choose anger, boredom, fear, jealousy, hate, contempt, or even “normal”? Probably not. If you could feel any way you wanted to feel, wouldn’t you choose things like euphoria, bliss, overwhelming gratitude, completely confident and empowered, free, or even madly in love, not just with your significant other, but all of life? I don’t know about you, but bliss and love? Sign me up for that!

So really get this, this is important. If you could feel any way you wanted to feel, you’d choose the highest states of happiness, freedom, aliveness, and joy. You would never choose to feel bad. You would never choose to feel fear, lack, limitation, stress, or relentless anxiety.

Now here’s the kicker: who’s in charge of how you feel?

Hopefully your answer is, “It’s me! I’m in charge of how I feel!”

Contrary to popular belief, your girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, spouse, mom, dad, sibling, neighbor, 3^rd grade teacher, boss, or employees aren’t in charge of how you feel, right? It’s only and ever been you.

Can you choose to be 1% happier right now? Go ahead, try it. You’re in charge! Can you choose to be 10% happier? 50%? 100%? How good can you feel right now just because you choose to? Do me a favor… get out a stopwatch and deliberately smile for 60 seconds. See if you notice a shift.

It’s unavoidable. You’ll probably start feeling better within seconds, but if you go a full 60, you’ll definitely feel better. Did you do it?

If you could feel any way you wanted to feel and you would choose to be wildly happy, and you’re in charge of how you feel, then why aren’t people a LOT happier? If we’re in charge of how we feel and what we’re feeling is anger, fear, and all that, then what’s going on?

What is this strange condition where we don’t feel the way we want to feel even though it seems like we’re the ones in charge of how we feel?

Weird, right?

Similarly, if you could think any thoughts you wanted to think right now, would you think about things that bummed you out? Would you think about things that made you feel bad, sad, or afraid? Would you think about all the times you made a fool of yourself or failed? I certainly hope not! I feel heavier just writing about that!

So if you could think any thoughts you wanted to, what would you think about? Would you think about the people in your life that you love? Would you think about ways you could surprise and delight them this week? Would you think about your wildest dreams and how you could bring them to life?

Wouldn’t you think about things that made you feel the best? Things that make you feel fully alive?

And the next obvious question is: who’s in charge of what you think?

Again, it’s no one else but you! There’s no one in your head making you think crappy thoughts. And if you’re in charge of what you think, why would you EVER think about anything other than what lights you up? Why would you ever think ill of yourself or even another?

Are you beginning to see what’s going on here? We say we’re in charge of what we think and how we feel, and even what we do or don’t do in life, and yet there’s this really weird thing going on where we don’t think the thoughts we want, we don’t feel the feelings we want, and inevitably, we aren’t living the lives that we want.

Look at the state of the world right now. Is this true?

Do you have the life you want? Do you have the body, bank account, business, relationships, adventures, and experiences that you want? Those are all external things. Let’s look within. Do you think crappy thoughts or thoughts that inspire you and bring you to life? Do you feel crappy feelings or feelings that have you leaping out of bed in the morning because you’re excited to see how your wildest dreams are going to show up for you today?

This is the condition people suffer from. This is the condition you are suffering from that you might not have even been aware of up until now. Do you know that our bodies are the most sophisticated chemical laboratories on the planet? We are capable of producing compounds that are illegal to ingest in most countries. Beyond the bliss factory smorgasbord of neurotransmitters, I’m talking about things like cannabanoids and possibly even DMT. I remember back in college, I’d be hanging out with some of the people in my dorm after they’d been puffing the magic dragon, and they’d be like, “Dude, this stuff should totally be legal.” Then they’d surprise me and break into these long speeches about how we have endocannabanoid receptors located throughout our bodies, arguing that we were designed to be smoking this stuff.

Not quite.

We have those receptors because we’re designed to produce those compounds on our own. We’re designed to feel however we want. Some days it’s euphoria, some days it’s total aliveness, creativity, productivity, or awe for life. Some days maybe it’s being high AF. Whatever you want! It doesn’t matter. You get to decide how you want to feel.

I’ll confess here, I’ve explored most of the “plant medicines” out there. (Just kidding if you’re reading this, Mom! I was in church those days!) I’ve got stories that I won’t tell here, but I’ve experienced states of consciousness that most people wouldn’t believe are possible. AND… I’ve never experienced something with plant medicines that I couldn’t experience without. We’re capable of producing ALL of those states on our own.

But isn’t it interesting that people fly to Peru, trek into the Amazonian jungle, and ingest strange brews of psychedelic mud – in an appropriate measure – to treat some condition that they know is wrong with them, even if they’re not entirely sure what that condition is.

If you’re not living the exact life that you want to live… well, why the fuck not?

The ONLY reason is because you’re suffering from some weird condition that you didn’t even realize was there.

Can you see it? This is huge! You, like everyone else, have a mysterious ailment that sometimes makes you miserable, keeps you stuck, and robs you of joy in life. This is the malicious disease that has you indulging in fear, lack, and feelings of shame and unworthiness. This is the unfortunate condition that made you stop believing in yourself and forced you to give up on your deepest dreams.

And for every condition, there is a cure. There is an appropriate measure we can take that will free us of the condition and allow us to be the person we’ve always wanted to be.

That is the purpose of meditation. That’s it. If you’re not living the life you want, if you don’t feel wildly happy and free, then let me introduce you to a crazy, new approach to meditation that will have you living the life you’ve always wanted to in no time.

Obviously, this is going to be different than any meditation training you may have had, so before we get started with the practices, let’s clear up a few misconceptions that keep people stuck.

Chapters 3 - 15 are now available!